Are you working from a cafe?

Are you working from a cafe?

Are you working from a cafe?

Have you been trying to convince yourself that it was the right decision

The following reasons explain why it didn’t work:

Comfort

You’ve already spilt milk twice on your laptop because the tables aren’t the right height and shape. If you sit on a high stool, a hard chair, or a sofa without lumbar support all day, your back will be killing you. We’re hardly allowed to spend an eight-hour working day here.

Snacks

During a typical working day, 50 per cent of your brainpower is consumed by thinking about what snack you will have next. When you order four giant cookies, two carrot cake slices, and a tuna sandwich at a cafe that becomes 85 per cent, you have to endure the barista’s judgement.

Plug sockets

Last night, you slept while watching First Dates on your laptop, and it has a 13 per cent battery capacity. A smug bastard is playing games on his iPad with the volume turned up while he uses the only plug socket in the cafe. Your dwindling charge is so worrying you can’t concentrate on your work.
Children
Although you escaped your own children, you are not immune to those of others. You’ll wish they were your kids because then you could scream at them to shut up when they’re throwing sugar packets at you or singing along to Mr Tumble.

Toilets

There is absolutely no way you are going to make it through the morning without a trip to the bathroom. Make sure you take your laptop to smell ‘Eau de Starbucks shitter’, a potent combination of human waste and cleaning fluids. There is never a window.

People are staring

Isn’t it a little strange to be hammering away at a keyboard and talking on a wireless headset in a room where people are supposed to be drinking hot chocolate? Your every glare will be bemused, pity-filled, or contemptuous. The only face you see is the reflection of your own dead eyes. For you, hatred has become a valuable human contact.

Are you working from a cafe

Are you working from a cafe?

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